When it’s all over

Holding my friends 10 day old baby gave me extreme happiness, I was errupting with inexpicable amounts of joy. I wish lives were filled with more and more of such moments however it’s far from reality. Just like birth their are plenty of irreversible moments and ends with a blink- “DEATH”

The “D” word is the scariest word for anyone living as of the dead, well no one’s ever come back to tell their tale(I now, it does happen quite often in our movies, credits to the writers). I am sure all of us some or the other time would have thought about Death. Questioning the purpose of our birth? Questioning the journey called “Life”?Questioning about life after death? yet finiding no answers. I like everyone have no answers only a bundle of Q’s.

I started writing about this when I was woken up by cries for help. Infact they were calling my father for help, a man next block fell unconcious (He was later declared dead at a nearby hospital) I woke up with this nervous, scary, shaky feeling rarely experiencing such a complex feeling. The man whose strings were pulled was not my uncle or a relative but the news had the exact opposite reaction to the news of a baby’s birth in the neighbourhood. My mind invlountaily travelled back in time recalling the deaths I witnessed. I don’t want to go more in detail about them however I thought I should share the finer lessons which I learnt on different ocassions.

“Hey Sanskrit sir’s son died last week in an accident” I started laughing on hearing that news, I was cruel and crude in my reaction, I was elated that the teacher who tormented us finally had his back against the wall, I feel ashamed as I punch in these lines, people who know me well actually know that I indeed relished the moment like a savaged beast, One of my greatest moral failures. As I grew older that moment of madness always piniched me hard and I hope I never slip to the abyss again.

On the evening of Nov 02, 1997 few days after my grandmother died ( Iwasn’t informed till that morning, mom called up to share the news) sitting in my hospital bed with few nurses trying to assist me in set of excercises. My dad pateintly waited till they finished, sat next to me (he was looking as normal as ever ) gave a gentle pat “Your grandmother died few days back” he paused. “you know you should listen to the doctors and do all the excecises regularly” as he spoke in his usual commanding tone, he never looked saddled by his his mother’s loss he was rather happy to see his son recoup from surgery. He lived in present he didn’t loose time in cribbing or crying about the fateful event. It was one of the many lessons I learnt from dad and this one remains special as no school would have ever taught me to deal with “Death” in such a refined manner “Live in the present son, no one can go back in time and change the past”.

Lot of my friends (Especially the one’s I made in the last 5 years) accuse me of trying to be being too nice with them. Few have even shared their doubts about I faking my emotions. I am utilising this platform to tell you guys, their are two reasons for that first, I just don’t know how to be a snob secondly If I were to die the very next day I don’t want you to carry an unpleasant last memory of mine. I want to be remembered as someone who always tried with all honesty and earnestness to do good and be warm and friendly. I know I would have falied on many ocassions but I promise I would keep trying till the very end.