What’s so funny

Not sure how many of us have experienced funny situations under tremendous adversities, in strangest of places and strangest of times. Fortunately or unfortunately I had few such experiences and I thought I can share one such piece from my life, a piece which is very close to my heart. A memory which given an opportunity would love to re-visit however only as a spectator.

When I went under the knife for the second time around, I was worried as the unpleasant memories from the first innings flashed in my mind. Post surgery the bright lights and medicated scent of the ICU welcomed me to semi conciousness, my worst fears came true my palate was hurting badly, my arms were punctured from 3 different places with tubes running all over, head was spinning like a top and a machine next to me which was beeping with every single heartbeat, all this made life miserable.

Even before I could start complaining or crib around, the fun part started. Doc arrived with my parents alongside and says “Kumar can you identify these 2 people”? I was like hey aunty thank your stars surgery was successful my memory is still intact. Funny how these doctors come up these great ideas when someone is hardly conscious, I had to reluctanly put up my thumb finger to tell them yes, doc has got me in. Somwhere in that process I slipped into sleep.

knock knock knock knock..I was woken up abruptly by a concerned looking nurse. She says “hey you been sleeping for 6-7 hours now and 6 bottles of saline water has gone in, you must urinate now” my immediate reaction was leave me I want to sleep but she wouldn’t stop.I was flummoxed “how do I urinate on demand, I am not IBM to provide “on demand” solution. I said I don’t feel like urinating. She went crazy “If you don’t urinate in 5 mins I will drill a hole directly into your kidney and pull it out” I was just 15 then, I was in tremendous pressure seeing her go bonkers but then what do I do, where do I go for all the urine. Worst she wasn’t buying any excuse. As I was trying to evade her I saw a assistant doctor rushing in, she too had the same demand “URINATE”. I was blank, what do I do, I gave in to their demands and tried, sadly nothing happened. The nurse was going crazier and crazier and then “eureka” something struck her. She disappeared for a while comes back with glass of ice cold water, I was forced to drink it just as a overfed cattle is forced to drink from a lousy stinky tub. However, after all the struggle, chill water did the job, I urinated, I remember it was a lengthy spell, I don’t remember having urinated so much in one go. Finally,nurse was looking less flustered she left me alone with the beeping machine.

The beep was so loud and annoying that I couldn’t sleep anymore, it was about 8 or 9 in the night. I was lying in the bed like a duck, wasn’t able to move the body much. Back of the neck was strapped with a weird wet synthetic tape, I was repeaedly touching it, must say the slimy feeling of the tape was like touching a wet diaper but strangely I loved it, I was involuntarily touching it more and more. As I continued doing that I was looking around the ICU, guess there were 3 or 4 patients in that huge chamber, placed so far away that we couldn’t talk to one another. I saw one old uncle diagonally opposite to my bed, heavily strapped and weeping like a baby, poor nurse was trying hard to console him. I know he was crying due to pain but the way he cried made me laugh, he sounded like a laughing hyena. I was in such awkward scenario I couldn’t laugh out loud as my palate was hurting and throat was parched, it evoked bark like cough combined with manical resonance. The urine-waali nurse noticed me behave awkwardly, she says “don’t cry ok, you will be fine, god is there he will take care of you”. I was like chechi, look closer am laughing not crying. She was really sweet she realized I wasn’t able to sleep, so she kept visiting my bed every 15-20 minutes to reassure me. I know it’s their profession but honestly when you are lying their in the ICU you just can’t help thanking their garacious gentle ways.

The entire stay at the hospital was filled with lots of funny incidents, doc follow-ups, curious visitors, taking injections, gobbling dozens of capsules, removing the saline tubes, loittering around the corridors, peeping into other rooms, trying to gain entry into restricted areas, fiddling with excercise machinery etc etc. The place brought so many happy moments that I was saddned the day I was supposed to leave. I wanted to stay back but guess the nurses and support staff had enough of me.I was sent packing.