How I rid swearing ? and my 4 Big Secrets to ‘Change’

Like most teen kids, I took to swearing quite early. I started swearing purely for fun, as far as I remember I never cussed when I was angry. I was simply in love with swearing so much so that at one point of time I uttered cuss words in almost every sentence. I derived cheap thrills doing so, I mean…. I’m sure you would agree cussing was fun as a teen ( not sure if women would agree though )

Things cruised along, finished high school went to an engineering college. I was little conscious in the first few months and once I felt part of the group I was at my usual best. Apparently I never cussed when I was angry, I showered them for fun only.

Once I was done with college, I headed North to New Delhi for my Management studies. The first few days were a huge cultural shock for me ( more of that in some other post ). Anyone who has been or lived in Delhi will tell you that people over there are extremely aggressive both physically and verbally. It would easily qualify as the cuss capital of India 🙂

At my B-school, good 80-85% of my classmates hailed from non-engineering backgrounds and for some reason they rated engineers highly ( Of course their fascination was validated once the first trimester results were out, All the engineering kids were in the Top 10 ). This put pressure on me because kids around me perceived that

A)  I was brilliant at Mathematics.

B)  I was a gentleman.

First part was easy because mathematics at B-school was child’s play for me, I hit jackpot in all the math exams. But the Part B was tricky, Imagine this – you’re a zebra but everyone around you thinks you’re a Tiger because you sport Stripes. Buoyed by the adulation and attention I received in my classroom it was paramount for me to continue in a manner which would retain their faith in “gentleman” me.

Academic piece was fine, so I had to work had on my personality and for me the single biggest flaw was compulsive swearing because it was explicit, everyone could notice it, you see in this part of the world cussing is not seen as a gentleman’s trait ( guess all culture’s believe the same) so I went against my instincts and with time I trained my mind and tongue to unlearn the unwanted. By the time I had finished my Post-grad I had conquered my habit of swearing. Since then I have done away with it for good.

For me it was an important change, as I could prove myself that bad habits can be tamed but Yes!! the reward had to be something awesome, in this case it was respect and acceptance of my fellow students.

If you’re someone who is looking to change a habit, remember it is easy, little self discipline combined with the right environment can help you change.

Here’re my 4 Big secrets to ‘Change’

1) Do not tell others that you’re trying to change something : Unfortunately more people want us to fail than succeed. Especially when you’re trying to correct something negative, people would make you concious and sometimes that would put more pressure on oneself. So keep it for yourself, no need to declare to the world that you’re quitting smoking, just start doing it.

2) Rome wasn’t built in a day: No habit changes overnight, I repeat no habit changes overnight. So, accept the fact and have daily targets, don’t make crazy 30-day targets, it just makes oneself miserable when we miss the target. For few it might happen in 20 days and for some 200. So don’t force yourself to go by some standard formula, it is most likely to fail.

3) Community: Start spending additional time with people who don’t have that particular habit which you intend to rid. For one’s who want to quit smoking, spend additional time with non-smokers and try to notice how they are benefiting from being non-smokers.

4) Perseverance: This is perhaps the biggest secret to ridding ill habits. Change is very hard to notice since it is gradual, you may not see any change in the beginning, nothing at all. Don’t loose heart when you fail keep trying, change also has a lot to do our mental maturity what you couldn’t at 25 might be possible at 30 so, keep trying. Never give up.